i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize