I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
