I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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