we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
