I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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