hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
