I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
