What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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