Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
