she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
