I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
