He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
