Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
