cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
