is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
