They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
