I faked an abortion last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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