drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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