It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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