i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
