Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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