he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
a search helicopter?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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