Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
