No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
