my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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