I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
