He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
