i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
