My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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