Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
