We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
40s are totally the cure
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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