i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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