My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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