I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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