i think my mom watched the whole time
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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