i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
