it's not cheating when I paid for it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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