1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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