worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
