It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
