i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
