We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
