The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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