so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
