Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
