So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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