are you still at the devil's house?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
