found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
