If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
