I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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