I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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