Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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