I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize