I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
