You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
