Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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