Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize