i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
