it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
