i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
