Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
