neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
