FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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