Got a toothbrush?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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