Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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