so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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