I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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